


Speak Louder Than Words

by GenericUsername01



Series: PRIDE MONTH [5]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: In a sense, M/M, Soul Bond, Soulmate AU, The Crew Knows, pride month writing prompts, soulmate rejection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 12:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14852816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenericUsername01/pseuds/GenericUsername01
Summary: Prompt: AU free-for-allYou can't speak until after you've met your soulmate. Spock tries to speak every day to learn if he encountered his soulmate yet, if he even has one-- they're rare, after all.Jim doesn't bother testing it out. He knows he can't talk, and sign language works just great, thanks.





	Speak Louder Than Words

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this was originally meant to be a short one-shot for a Pride prompt but somehow it got out of hand and it's too long now, I'll post a second half to close it all up later. It was honestly meant to be a one-shot but the characters and plotline would do far better as a slow burn. I have no clue what happened here. There will be more to this.

Nobody can speak unless they've met their soulmate. Problem is, most people don't even have a soulmate.

Spoken languages do exist, rare as they are. Most species and cultures rely solely on their various forms of sign language. And each culture has its own opinions about those who can speak.

On Earth, it's considered a form of bragging, of rubbing the fact of your soulmate in other people's faces. A bit rude, but not altogether uncommon. Speaking is useful. Starfleet has a proportionally high number of soulmates in its ranks. It's a tactical advantage to be able to shout orders and relay instructions without having to drop your phaser to do so. The Admiralty puts a lot of effort into actively recruiting people who have soulmates.

The Tellarites view talking as a most honorable way to discuss things, and especially to argue. They have more soulmate pairs than any other species in the Federation, and go to great lengths to protect soulmates' rights.

On Andoria, however, speaking is taboo and soulmates are impossibly rare. To even open your mouth for anything other than eating is considered a great insult. It's suspected that soulmates' relative rarity there is due to Andorians having four sexes. All documented Andorian soulmates haven't been pairs, but groups, and it's hard to find that level of compatibility with even just one person, much less multiple.

And then there's Vulcan. Vulcans revere and treasure the idea of soulmates, call them t'hy'la, but they are more rare on Vulcan than any other planet known. Federation scientists have been trying to figure it out for years. For some reason, that planet in particular usually only has two or three soulpairs in a generation. Compared to the thousands found on Earth and Tellar Prime, it's shockingly low, practically unheard of. Even Andorians have way more soulmates.

Vulcans, naturally, go into a rabid frenzy of logical excitement every time one of their citizens gains the ability to speak.

Jim thinks it's ridiculous. And one thing he knows for sure is that he definitely doesn't have a soulmate.

There are some people who attempt to speak every month, every week, every day. Jim used to try it now and then. But Frank... Frank drilled that out of him.

Jim hadn't tried to speak for years until he was thirteen and on Tarsus and he tried to scream but no sound came out.

* * *

Spock is 27.8% more likely to have a soulmate due to his half-human nature. He attempts to speak every day, looking himself in the mirror each morning.

_'My name is S'chn T'gai Spock and I have a soulmate.'_

No sound comes out, as usual.

It is as Vulcanly neutral a sentence as he is willing to choose. Should the fates favor him, his first words would be highly publicized and repeated on infinite loop. It would not do for them to be too emotional. And yet, Spock could not help adding that second half of the sentence. He would honor his soulmate, as his soulmate honored him.

Presuming he had one, of course. But he was more likely to have one than any other child on the planet. The odds were favorable. He refused to forge a preliminary bond with T'Pring with that in mind. After all, there was a high chance he would just end up breaking it later on anyway.

Well, not a high chance. A 13.972% chance. But a higher chance than anyone else had, and he was going to stick with that for all it was worth.

To Spock, 13.972% was worth quite a lot.

* * *

Some people wear electronic collars that let them speak. They're permanent, a body modification rather than an accessory. They tie into your brain wave patterns to interpret thoughts into words, connecting through your spinal cord. See, they attach at the back of the neck and go straight into your spine from there.

But they work.

The recorded voice settings flow smoothly and naturally in this day and age, and there are dozens of fake voices to choose from. All active-duty Starfleet personnel ranked commander or above are required to either have a collar or a soulmate. No voice, no promotion. Your choice.

The general civilian population is split on the debate over collars. They're useful, that's for sure. But they're permanent. Putting one on means giving up hope of ever speaking naturally. It means accepting that you'll never know if you have a soulmate.

Plus, lots of people have no desire to speak. Sign language has its inconveniences, but it works perfectly fine for day-to-day life and non-life-threatening situations-- which basically rules out Starfleet, but those on the lower decks can make it work, and technically the desk-bound higher-ups don't need voices either, but still have them as a result of working their way up through the ranks.

All in all, collars aren't common. Unless you're aboard a starship.

Even at the Academy, Jim doesn't see many collars. The classes are all taught in Federation Standard Sign Language, with electronic audio accommodations for the blind. Being deaf is barely that much different from the standard galactic experience, in a universe where everybody uses sign language and nobody talks. It has its disadvantages, sure, but not nearly as many as it could in another universe. Something that is an unexpectedly debilitating disability, however, is not having full use and dexterity of your hands. People who don't have that almost invariably choose a collar.

Winona has full use of her voice. Jim has never heard her speak. She hasn't since her soulmate died on the Kelvin. He had been her voice, and when she lost him, she lost her voice as well.

She's physically capable of talking still. The ability never goes away. But she chooses not to, as a gesture of mourning. It's not a common thing to do, but it's not unheard of either.

There are many humans who believe that speaking is only for lovers. For soulmates.

* * *

_'My name is S'chn T'gai Spock and I am attempting to speak.'_

No luck.

He had changed the sentence he used. His previous one had been illogical. It was not certain that Spock had a soulmate. There was an 86.028% chance that he did not, and those were overwhelming odds.

He had been quite foolish as a child, in hindsight. Fanciful and romantic, prone to believing in happily ever afters.

Illogical.

He straightened his black professor's uniform and went to the hearing.

* * *

 _'Who was that pointy-eared bastard?'_ Jim signs.

 _'Don't know,'_ Bones replies.  _'But I like him.'_

* * *

"Olson pull your 'chute!" Kirk shouted.

Instinct. Pure instinct. He hadn't even meant to try talking.

No time to think about it.

"One thousand meters," the monotonous voice of Olson's suit announced.

He pulled his chute and was sucked, screaming, into the drill. Too late.

Kirk landed on the platform, slapped the button to suck in his chute, and leapt to his feet. He gave a very verbal war cry and lunged at a Romulan.

* * *

Okay. Simple enough. Now all he has to do is emotionally compromise Spock on Spock's orders without letting Spock know that Spock told him to do it.

And then he will take command of the Enterprise, fly them back to Earth, rescue Captain Pike, and defeat Nero. He will have to come up with a plan for how to do that at some point.

Hell, if he'd been able to come up with a plan and a logical argument for it, he probably never would have gotten tossed off the ship in the first place.

Hendorff marches him and Scotty onto the bridge at phaserpoint, insufferably smug about it, and presents them to Spock like some sort of wrapped gift, purposely designed to be disdained. A dartboard. Jim is a dartboard and Spock will proceed to kill him now.

Time to get on with the provoking.

 _"Who are you?"_ Spock asks Scotty.

_"I'm with him."_

_"He's with me."_

_"We are traveling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?"_ Spock signs.

Kirk gets an idea. He clasps his hands firmly behind his back, flashes a cocky grin, and switches to spoken word. "Well, you're the genius, you figure it out."

His natural, non-electronic voice sounds almost deafening amid the near-silence of the bridge. Uhura's mouth drops open slightly. Sulu already heard him yelling earlier, so he's not too surprised, and the little Russian kid heard him through the comms too.

Bones is looking at him with astonishment that Jim's pretty sure is leaning towards the negative side, as per usual. The doctor swallows hard, and his collar bobs up and down.

 _'As Acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question.'_ Spock's fingers are deft, his motions sharp and precise. Clipped.

"Well, I'm not telling,  _Acting Captain._ What, did-- That doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation? That doesn't make you angry--?"

 _'Are you a member of Starfleet?'_ Spock pointedly asks Scotty.

_'Well, uh, yes. Can I get a towel, please?'_

_'Under penalty of court martial, I order you to tell me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp.'_

This ship, never my ship, Jim noticed. Or not even Pike's ship, or the Enterprise. Spock was distancing himself from it.

_'Well--'_

"Don't answer him," Jim said aloud.

 _'You will answer me,'_ Spock signed. The muscles of his hands were clenched, his knuckles white. Like he was just itching to wring Jim's neck but he couldn't do that, could he? Jim was practically preening.

And just what the hell was Spock going to do about it? 

 _'...I'd rather not take sides,'_ Scotty signed.

"What is it with you, Spock?" Jim asked, stepping closer, crowding into his space. As expected, the Vulcan refused to yield or give Jim even an inch. "Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered, and you're not even upset."

Jim hadn't even raised his voice in the slightest, and he was commanding the entire room.

Acting Captain. Right. Sure.

All it took was for Jim to walk in the room-- dragged there by security forces for Spock to gloat over, no less-- and it became abundantly clear that's exactly what Spock was doing: acting.

If Jim had to guess, he'd bet that Spock didn't even have any desire for a command of his own. He was clearly insecure in it, couldn't get the crew to follow his orders, much less inspire them, he was playing things way too cautious, and Jim just didn't like the guy, so what? But he was a telepath, so Jim should probably stop listing every flaw he can think of in his command style while standing mere inches from him.

Then again.

_'If you presume that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken.'_

"And yet you were the one who said fear was necessary for command. I mean, did you see his ship? Did you see what he did?"

_'Yes of course I did.'_

"So are you afraid or aren't you?"

_'I will not allow you to lecture me on the merits of emotion.'_

"Then why don't you stop me?"

_"Step away from me, Cadet.'_

"What is it like not to feel anger? Or heartbreak? Or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?"

  _'Back away from me.'_

"You feel  _nothing!_ It must not even compute for you. You never loved her!"

Spock  _roared._

He struck Jim across the jaw and sent him sprawling back into Hendorff. Spock gripped him by his shirt and tossed him across the bridge. A knee to the stomach, a hard hit down on him. Jim landed in a few hits, but advanced combat training or no, he was simply no match for a similarly trained Vulcan. He was thrown down onto a console like a ragdoll, and a single hand with impossible strength was crushing his throat.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. He couldn't--

"Spock!" an older Vulcan man called from behind them.

The grip didn't grow any worse, but it was long moments before Jim's throat was released.

Spock straightened and turned to face his crew and father. Nyota looked like she might cry.

Spock's hands were shaking. He swallowed.

"Doctor, I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command, based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ship's log."

* * *

"Speak your mind, Spock."

"That would be unwise."

"What is necessary is never unwise," Sarek said.

"I am as conflicted as I once was as a child," he said. "I have met my soulmate this day. And yet, I do not know who they are."

"How many possible candidates are there?"

"I spoke at an assembly before hundreds this morning."

"Ah."

To acquire speech, all you had to do was meet your soulmate. Unfortunately, 'meet' was used in the vaguest possible terms. You did not have to talk to them, or even sign a single word to them. All you had to do was meet their eyes. Even for just a moment.

Spock had gazed out at an auditorium filled with cadets and dozens of professors he had never interacted with before. Then all those people had been deployed, scattered among the stars. Most of them were dead now. Spock's soulmate was likely dead.

Spock had had them for a day and not even spent it in their presence, not properly cherished his t'hy'la as any Vulcan mate should.

It was a day of strong emotions for him. The most overwhelming of which was loss.

To think, he had waited and hoped and longed for twenty-eight years to develop speech one day, and now he had, and it was the worst day of his life.

The first thing he had ever uttered had been an unintelligible roar of anger, primal and murderous. It figured. Today had been what was surely the most monumental, transformative turning point of his life, and he had behave like an animal, a savage. He had not committed a single good or redeeming deed at all. He had acted most shamefully, in all manners and all things.

"I feel anger at the one who took Mother's life," he confessed. "An anger I cannot control."

"I believe that she would say, 'Do not try to.' You asked me once why I married your mother."

Spock remembered that day, that conversation.

Sarek had looked to him and said that as she was his t'hy'la, she was only logical choice of mate, as he could accept no other when the blood fever came upon him. In addition, she was human, and he was the ambassador to Earth. He had been planning on his second marriage being to a human anyway. Amanda would be sufficient.

Now Sarek looked to him again and this time he said, "I married her because I loved her."

* * *

Jim hopped up onto the transporter pad next to Spock, who was kissing Uhura.

Wait, what?

He did a double-take, staring openly with confusion on his face. Why was Spock...? Well, it wasn't like he couldn't tell what he saw in her, but why...?

Why did watching it make him feel so incredibly  _wrong?_

Also, why was it still happening? Aren't there regs against this? Can he quote a reg right now?

Dammit, he's not  _that_ big of an ass. The guy just lost his planet and his mother. If he wants a goodbye kiss from his girlfriend, then he can damn well have one. Even if it made Jim feel like ripping Uhura's head off.

Which was weird. He liked Uhura. They had developed a solid friendship over the past three years, built mainly on insults, teasing, and talking about sex.

That was ironic, considering how they had met. It had been in a dive bar in Iowa, where Jim drunkenly tried to hit on her and she got a good laugh at his expense. He had known right off the bat that she was a linguist. It was the collar that gave it away. It was clearly an expensive, top-of-the-line, specialty made model, but it was also at least half as old as she was and had obviously been self-modified by an amateur several times.

A collar like that only belonged to someone who really and truly loved words.

But when he asked what her name was, she said "Uhura" and then gave a namesign. He had spent the last three years trying to figure out the significance of it. So far, he knew that her first name started with an N and also a list of names that it was not.

Then he made some quip about her having a talented tongue and she rolled her eyes and a fight broke out and his hands landed on her boobs at some point and he drunkenly leered and she slapped him, rightfully. 

Their friendship had had a rocky first few months. It started out as more of a mutual hatred, to be honest, before it morphed into something far more convoluted.

And now she was standing on a transporter pad next to him, kissing  _Spock,_ who must be that mysterious crush she always alluded to, and Jim was watching, like a dumbass. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

This was surreal.

"I'll be back," Spock murmured.

"You better be," Uhura whispered right back. Jim felt like a voyeur. "I'll be monitoring your frequency."

"Thank you, Nyota."

Okay, really? Jim had been patient, but really? Did they have to keep doing this right in front of him?

This was taking too long. He was way more than keyed up for the mission. He was pretty sure he had more adrenaline than actual blood in his veins. If he didn't get to punch someone soon, he'd tear his own hair out.

Must be the stress of the day.

Uhura gave Spock one last kiss, then looked directly at Jim, as if sensing his thoughts. He gave her a curt nod, and she stepped off the pad.

"So her first name's Nyota?" he asked Spock.

"I have no comment on the matter," he said.

* * *

"Your species is even weaker than I expected," Ayel said, holding Kirk up by the throat with a single hand. "You can't even speak."

All intelligence reported that Romulan soulpairs were only a little less common than Andorian ones, but still far moreso than Vulcan soulpairs. When speech was so rare, why would he expect it from Kirk?

Didn't matter. Bigger fish to fry at the moment.

"...I've got your gun," Kirk gasped out, and shot him in the gut.

* * *

"Father," Spock called out. The older Vulcan stopped and turned around.

"I am not our father."

They approached one another. "There are so few Vulcans left. We cannot afford to ignore one another," the Elder said.

"Then why did you send Kirk aboard when you alone could have explained the truth?" the Younger asked.

"Because you needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together, of a friendship that will define you both in ways you cannot yet realize."

"How did you persuade him to keep your secret?"

"He inferred that universe-ending paradoxes would ensue should he break his promise."

"You lied."

"Oh," the Elder scoffed. "I-I implied."

"A gamble," the Younger said disapprovingly.

"An act of faith," he corrected. "One I hope you'll repeat in the future in Starfleet."

Does his older self truly use... contractions?

"In the face of extinction, it is only logical I resign my Starfleet commission and help rebuild our race."

"And yet, you can be in two places at once. I urge you to remain in Starfleet. I have already located a suitable planet on which to establish a Vulcan colony," he said. "Spock, in this case, do yourself a favor. Put aside logic. Do what feels right."

"May I ask you a question?"

"Of course, but I may not answer."

"Very well," the Younger said. "In your universe, how did you meet your soulmate? I assume the circumstances were different."

"Oh, quite so. He beamed aboard the ship and greeted the whole bridge crew individually. He had already memorized all our names. When I heard we were getting the youngest captain the 'Fleet has ever had, I expected someone brash, cocky. Reckless, I should say, unskilled and uncaring. Jim took me quite by surprise," he said. "He never stopped surprising me."

Spock's blood froze in his veins. "Jim?" he asked. "James Kirk? Was yo--  _our_ soulmate?"

Both of the Elder's eyebrows raised. "You did not know?"

"I assumed my t'hy'la was dead."

"Why?"

"I met my soulmate without knowing who it was on the day that 87.5% of the Academy's cadets were slaughtered. I drew the logical conclusion," he said. "And you are wrong. I suspect this is another of your 'implications'."

"Why?"

"James Kirk could never be my t'hy'la. He is too illogical," he said. "I am with Nyota. Our relationship is satisfactory. I intend to bond with her one day."

The Elder's eyes seemed almost to twinkle. "As you wish."

The Younger was puzzled. He had not expected him to capitulate nearly so easily. He had expected the Elder to see the lie through, to cajole and bargain and do everything he could to convince him it was truth. That was the logical course of action. And if it was truth, then certainly he had a moral obligation to at least attempt this.

But while the Younger was pondering all this, his counterpart had already walked away.

* * *

'Selek,' as he was calling himself (yet another one of his many lies), was wrong. And Spock would prove it.

The first order of business was to ensure that he did not befriend Kirk or give the man any implication that such a thing would ever happen. He must be made to understand that Spock only cares for him in a strictly professional capacity.

It is easy to do this. As Spock stated, Kirk is quite illogical. His tactics are incomprehensible. He has the crew follow plans that have little chance of success but also little chance of casualties, and just expects them to work anyway. Whether they do or not is irrelevant to the fact that this is an illogical course of action. 

He is extremely emotional and far too open. Worse yet, his emotions appear to be contagious, much like a disease. He is frequently happy and excited to explore space or to continue their mission in any capacity, no matter how dull their current mission may seem to others, and he infects the crewman around him with this... joviality. It is positively unseemly.

Furthermore, he is far too lax with codes of conduct. The bridge crew frequently laugh and tell jokes and stories to one another while they work. A week into the mission, Kirk made a formal announcement that no one should salute him anymore, because his arm was tiring and he was beginning to lose his voice from saying "at ease" so often. This was a gross exaggeration (a lie) and a completely unacceptable breakage from protocol, for no legitimate reason other than the captain did not feel like following it.

Spock determined Selek to be an old fool who did not know what he was talking about. Spock has yet to be surprised by Kirk, least of all in a way he considers pleasant.

He spends increased time with Nyota, his intended whom he cherishes. She is female and objectively beautiful and the most logical human Spock has ever met. She is ideal. He could not ask for a better potential mate. He certainly does not consider Kirk to come anywhere close to being her equal. She is unparalleled, unmatchable. She is satisfied with him, and he with her.  _That_ is the foundation for a stable Vulcan marriage.

* * *

Kirk chimes the door to Spock's quarters, looking sheepish as it's opened.

 _'Hey,'_ he signed.  _'Can we talk?'_

"Of course," Spock said, moving aside to allow him entry.

 _'You don't like me,'_ Kirk signed.  _'Which is fine. I mean, I get it. I wouldn't like me either, if I were you. But it made me realize that I was a dick and I never apologized. So. I'm sorry I said all that stuff to you on the bridge. I didn't mean a single word of it. Someone else, someone important, convinced me that showing you were emotionally compromised was the only way to save Earth. And I did what he said, and we saved Earth. I didn't mean any of that stuff I said to you. But I can't regret saying it. And if you never want to forgive me, then I'll understand and I'll respect that. I kicked you while you were down that day. You have every right to hate me.'_

Spock's brow furrowed. "I do not hate you."

Now Jim looked confused. Then understanding lit up his face.  _'Oh. Right, sorry. That's an emotion. Well, I realize you have an unfavorable opinion of me, and I just wanna let you know I don't hold it against you. As long as you can keep it professional on the bridge. And I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, so I won't, but I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry.'_

Spock felt a keenly unpleasant sensation in his side. An emotion. Guilt, he thought, if he recognized it correctly.

And there was some worse niggling doubt in the back of his mind that was pushing him towards a conclusion he did not wish to reach.

"This person who convinced you all this was necessary. The one who came up with this plan. Who was it?" he asked.

Jim instantly tensed. He began making nervous, nonsensical hand motions that were not signs-- aborted attempts and broken half-words, the sign language equivalent of stammering.  _'That's not really important.'_

"On the contrary, I believe it is highly important," Spock said. "Answer me in this. Please."

Jim met his gaze defiantly, mouth pursed closed. He very deliberately clasped his hands behind his back, and Spock had a slight urge to roll his eyes.

"Was it my counterpart?"

Jim gaped. "You know about him?"

"Indeed. He was the one who convinced me to remain in Starfleet."

"But I thought--"

"He lied."

Jim seemed to remember himself, mouth snapping back shut. Spock found that development oddly disappointing.  _'Okay. Yeah. It was him. He told me to do it.'_

Spock's blood boiled, a low simmering rage. How dare he? He had single-handedly ruined any chance of Spock laying claim to the being he insisted was their t'hy'la. If it was true, then his elder had committed a most grievous offense that Spock was sure he would never forgive.

It was not true, he reminded himself. Jim was not his soulmate.

His soulmate was likely dead, whoever they had been. There was only a 12.5% chance that they had survived the Battle of Vulcan. Spock-- Spock would mourn them.

He should be grateful to have ever laid eyes on them even once, even without knowing who they were. His soulmate had given him one final parting gift: the gift of speech.

Spock would not squander it the way Kirk seemed so intent on doing.

Kirk.

"Captain, I will not hold you responsible for the crimes of another. I am neither that petty nor that emotionally driven. In any case, your actions saved a planet and billions of lives. My conduct towards you these past few weeks has been unbecoming of a Starfleet officer. For that, I beg your forgiveness."

Jim looked as shocked as if Spock had slapped him. No. If Spock had struck him, he probably would have expected, even accepted it.

_'Spock, don't be ridiculous. I'm clearly the one at fault here. You have nothing to apologize for.'_

A blatant lie, one that said disturbing things about the captain's self-esteem. Spock did not frown. "I most certainly do. I have treated you with disrespect and borderline insubordination. Another captain would not have been nearly so lenient as you have been. I have nothing to warrant this deferential treatment-- the opposite, in fact-- and so I must apologize."

Jim shrugged uneasily.  _'You just lost your planet. Of course you're a little bit on edge. It's understandable.'_

"Emotional failings are not 'understandable' for any Vulcan, Captain. I truly regret the illogic I displayed."

His mouth quirked.  _'Of that I have no doubt, Mr. Spock,'_ he signed.  _'So'_ (vague, hand-wavy gesture)  _'Are we cool then?'_

"...Permitting you forgive me," Spock said. This conversation was most perplexing. He did not enjoy it.

Jim smiled in such a way that made Spock feel warm inside and tugged at something in his side.  _'Of course, Mr. Spock.'_


End file.
